Day 28- April 5, 2025

We were married in June of 1992.  For years we watched all our friends that were married at the same time as us start their families.  During this time, we lived in Georgia, Tennessee and North Carolina.  

We enjoyed playing with our nieces and nephews but were sad we were not able to start our own family.  We sought help for our infertility for several years with no success.  Then I met a woman playing tennis that was cute, energetic, stylish and fun.  We hit it off immediately and she brought me into her circle of friends.   She had a baby girl that was around 6 months old.  As our friendship grew, I shared with her about our struggle with infertility and she shared with me that she had also struggled with infertility and her daughter was recently adopted.  She was an angel in the wilderness sent there to guide me.  She walked me through the entire process and while Mark and I applied for adoption in August of 2001, we also tried our first invitro with our fertility doctor in Charlotte. 

In early September, we were informed that our attempt was unsuccessful.  During the worst day in American history, September 11, 2001 my phone rang, and it was our adoption facilitator with the news that a birth mother wanted to speak to us.  I gave her permission to contact me, which she did immediately.  We talked for over an hour and at the end of the conversation she said, “I have been looking for a couple just like you to be my baby’s parents”.  I cannot express in words how thrilled we were to hear those words.  When I asked when she was due, and she said October 18^th I was shocked thinking at we would be parents in a few short weeks.  She was an Angel in our Wilderness.  Mark Alexander “Alex” decided he liked his warm cozy environment and did not arrive until October 25, 2001.  Our entire family was thrilled that after 9 years our journey was over.  

A year went by, and Mark and I decided Alex would enjoy a sibling so we visited a new fertility clinic in Birmingham.  We underwent 4 more invitros, 3 were unsuccessful or resulted in miscarriages and then the most wonderful words came from the doctor’s mouth, “you are pregnant and there are 2 strong heartbeats”.  Hallelujah! We thanked God for our blessings.  We told Alex in October that he was going to be a big brother and shared the news with our families. We decorated the nursery in neutral colors since we did not know the sex of the babies.  The holidays were so full of love, magic, thankfulness, anticipation and excitement.  In April we would have 3 children and our dream of being a family of 5 would be complete.  

Things were going well with the pregnancy until on January 21^st when I was not feeling well.  I had been working very long hours and I was very tired but did not want to take off work because I wanted to take as much maternity leave as possible.  I told my boss I wasn’t feeling well and was seeing the doctor at 9:30 that morning.  I saw the doctor and he said everything was fine but that I needed to rest.  

I went back to my house after the doctor’s appointment because I had forgotten my lunch and while at home my water broke.  I wasn’t sure what had happened because this was my first pregnancy that had come this far, but I knew something was wrong.  I drove back to the doctor’s office and asked to see him again.  He immediately admitted me to the hospital and Matthew Jacob and Samual Dodd Stuart were born the next day on Wednesday, January 22, 2003.  We were all devastated. In just a few hours our dreams were shattered.  I had to stay in the hospital for several days due to the risk of infection.  I came home on Friday, and we drove to my parents’ house and planned a graveside service.  

We buried Matt and Sam in the same casket in the same cemetery as my grandparents, great grandparents and great-great grandparents.  We came home on Tuesday to an empty nursery and deep depression set in for me.  On Wednesday morning my fertility doctor called to check on me as I had cancelled my next appointment.  The next call I received that morning was from my employer wanting to know when I was coming back to work.  I told them the grief was so strong I was not ready and would be taking some medical leave.  They informed me I couldn’t not take medical leave or family leave so I told them I would get back with them. On Friday of that same week my employer called and fired me saying that I was a part of a downsizing effort.      

Not only had our dreams of a family been shattered, but now I was unemployed.  We asked God what else could go wrong?  This wilderness was deep and cold and scary.   I felt like never getting out of bed again. I just wanted to sleep forever, but I couldn’t because I had a precious 2-year-old that needed his mommy.  He was an angel in human form attending to me. We really did not have the time or money to try again for another baby.  We were drained mentally and physically so we decided to accept the fact we would be a family of 3.  Sometimes our plans are not the plans God has for us.  

At the end of February Mark’s Human Resource department called to inform us that since Sam had been born alive (Matt was stillborn) we had family life insurance coverage that we were entitled to claim.  The life insurance amount was exactly the same amount as another invitro would cost.  In the summer of 2003, we decided to try a 6^th invitro.  On March 3, 2005 Benjamin Perry and Elizabeth Elaine “Betsy” were born 16 minutes apart weighing in at 4 lbs and 11 oz and 4 lbs 12 oz.  Our journey out of the wilderness was finally upon us.  After a stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit our babies came home.  I truly believe that these are situations we experience so that we can help guide other in similar journeys.  Thanks be to God.   

Nan and Mark Stuart 

Alex Stuart (23), Benjamin Stuart(20) and Betsy Stuart(20)